Very sorry it’s been so quiet on this end. Lots of crap at work, plus lots of stress about…everything in general, means I have managed to get myself quite sick.
Still sick, but it’s Friday so I’ll have this weekend to try and recover. (Stupid Air Force with no sick days unless you go to the hospital to “prove” you’re sick…)
And I know I’ve definitely been neglecting the Cara pictures, which is a shame because she’s getting so cute! I’ll try to post some when I get home today.
Laters!
Wow, I feel a bit sheepish now. I didn’t mean to make you guys worry…I was just really tired and had to hurry so I could get some sleep.
So, I guess it’s story time! I suggest packing a lunch (or at least a nice snack), as this might take a while. Okay, here we go!
Ever since coming to Turkey, I’ve had a very distinct feeling of…dissatisfaction. It’s true I wasn’t necessarily happy when I was still in Louisiana, but I had some good friends there (one of who loved watching Cara for us while we were working) and it was relatively close to home. I could at least call every day and vent to Mom and Dad. But I was still excited to be leaving Barksdale. New base, new experience, new everything. Although I do recall one of my supervisors warning me that, as bad as Barksdale was, going to Incirlik might not necessarily be better.
Man, I should have listened to him. While it’s true I do miss being able to talk to my parents on a daily basis, that’s not what finally caused me to snap. It’s the work schedule and the day care schedule being, to use a technical term, completely snooking loopy! We only have enough people in my shop to cover one shift, so we have to work about 11 hours a day to get everything done. The CDC (Child Development Center, a.k.a. day care) is only open for 11 1/2 hours. This works for nearly everyone on base…except our guys. Many days, those of us with children are getting there just before they’re about to close.
This also means I drop Cara off at 0630 (when they open) and if I’m lucky, I get to pick her up around 5pm. Then we have to rush home and get dinner started so we can eat by 6, but by the time she finishes there’s only about an hour left for us to play together before I have to get her ready for bed.
When I reenlisted back in July 07, Cara was only a few months old. At the time I thought it’d be a breeze to do both work and take care of her…and for a while it was! But that’s because newborns don’t really interact a lot. Now that she’s getting bigger, she wants to play and snuggle and hug and just be with me. Just a few weeks ago she started sitting on my feet as soon as we get to her room at the CDC to try and keep me there with her. And it’s made me realize something…
…I can’t do both.
I can’t be an Airman AND be a mom. It’s a choice that I made, but I’m starting to understand that it’s not the right one anymore. I mean, I’M the one who joined the Air Force, not Cara. Why should she have to suffer for it? Lately at work, all I seem to be able to think about is what life would be like as a stay-at-home mom. I could finish up both my CCAF (Community College of the Air Force) degree, plus I’ve found the University of Maryland has the English degree I want, which I can earn on-line. Since I’ve been in the Air Force more than 4 years, I keep my 100% tuition assistance when I get out. So no worries there. Plus, with the English degree, I could apply for a transcriptionist job which I’ve seen being offered to military spouses more often lately. It’s a work from home job that could move with me no matter where Patrick gets transferred to, so I wouldn’t have to worry about always changing jobs.
When I get out, I’ll have served 10 years. A few of the guys at work were saying “Well, you’d be halfway to retirement! Why not just stay?”. And the answer is I wouldn’t be dedicated to the job. I’d always be thinking about Cara (and however may siblings she ends up having) instead of my job. And that’s not fair to the Air Force, myself, or anyone else for that matter. Money might be a little tight for a while, but we’ll be okay. We’ve already started saving as much as we can, and except for the car payment, we are completely debt-free right now.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say in a very, VERY disjointed way, is that I am currently plotting my freedom. And it’s never felt both so close and so frustratingly far away.
End rant!
Hmm…this was actually a bit longer than even I anticipated. And quite a bit of a pity-fest. I’m sorry.
So instead, let’s have some new Cara pictures! You should go look at her site…I’ll be posting them within the hour.
EDIT: Pictures up! Woot!
Sorry it’s been a while. Trying to unpack, mixed with odd work schedules and a sick Cara make it a little hard to get on. But we’re back! And to commemorate this acheivement, we’re going to finally have a new update on Cara’s site! But in the meantime, here are a few more Christmas pictures:
Presents on the left are Patrick’s, mine are center, and Cara’s are right…as you can see, the mail is a little slow, so we’re still waiting on some of our gifts to get here.
I acciedentally overheated the skillet for the pancakes, so the outsides burned while the insides were still all runny. Needless to say, we had frozen waffles instead.
Well, since there’s no trees for sale, I took matters into my own hands. Presenting…
The tree of DOOM!!
From these meager items…I shall create MAGIC!
Hmm…maybe the lights are a bit much…
It looks a little better in the dark…but not by much.
…so I took the lights off. All better!
And…that’s all for now. I have presents to wrap.
Away! (And Merry Christmas!)
Well, it’s official…Cara is sick.
She has two ear infections right now. In both ears she has “Swimmer’s Ear”, which I guess is basically fluid behind her eardrums. She also has a perforated eardrum in her right ear, which led to a bacteria infection in the ear canal. So she’s currently on two different meds to try and clear them up. The only thing that worries me slightly is that one of them has penecilin. I’m not allergic to it, but both my mom and Patrick are. Hopefully she isn’t too, or else we’re going to have a whole new problem on our hands.
Other than that, not too much else going on. Trying to get ready for Christmas…except we don’t have a tree. They have one left for sale here, but it’s 12 feet tall, and that’s a bit too tall for our house. We’ll try to figure something out.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Away!
I LIVE!!!
We finally got a house and they hooked up the Internet yesterday, so I’ll be able to blog and generally try to interact with people on a regular-like basis! (or something to that effect…)
I’d have more pictures of Cara, but we’re still waiting for our furniture and stuff to get here, and that’s the shipment that has the camera. I’ve been wanting to buy a new one for a while now, but we’ll have to see…moving has this HORRIBLE habit of sucking wallets dry.
Anyway, not too much else going on right now. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow…
Away!
Hey all! Yes, I’m still alive…just very tired and running ragged. My luggage got here about 4 days after I did, so Cara and I had to wear the same clothes for half a week. Blech!
Still on the waiting list for a house, so in the meantime we live in the little hotel on base. I’m borrowing a computer in the lobby to write this.
So yeah…we’re here in one piece. I’ll try to write more later this week, just wanted to check in and let you all know we made it here in one piece.
Bye for now!
Well, it’s my last night in the States for a while. It’ll be a while until I can get back on here and update, but I’ll try and keep you up to date on what’s happening. I’d post one last picture of Cara, but she’s sleeping and I sent my phone to Mom so she can use it while I’m gone.
Anyway, I’ll try to talk to you all soon. Bye for now!
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